Chronic Pain Relief

MBS Blog  13

The layers of wellness: levels of coping with TMS/MBS

I have spoken to so many people who are frustrated that their TMS symptoms have not gotten better yet.  They have read so many accounts of people who have read Dr. Sarno’s books and immediately gotten better.  They wonder why they haven’t had the same response.  This can lead to increased worrying: worrying about what’s wrong with them, if they really have TMS or not, if they are making themselves sicker by worrying, and this vicious cycle can go on and on.

On the TMS Help Forum and other web sites, there are many excellent suggestions about methods of self-help and books that people have used to vanquish their TMS symptoms.  Most of these are great resources and can be helpful to many.

I was talking about this the other day with a good friend and excellent psychologist, Mark Lumley from Wayne State University.  He and I actually ended up writing a little poem about the layers of work that many people may need to do to get better.  I must warn you, neither of us are poets, so the so-called poem isn’t very poetic.  But we like it because it means something important to us.  Here it is.

Things to do:

Notice what has been hidden;

Understand what has been a mystery.

Speak what has been unspoken;

Confront what has been avoided.

Accept what needs to be accepted;

Forgive what needs to be forgiven.

Change what needs to be changed.

Howard Schubiner, MD and Mark Lumley, Ph.D.

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Conventional “knowledge” tells us that we were not meant to walk upright and that backs typically degenerate over time which leads to chronic back pain.  If back pain was caused by degeneration of the back and the discs between the vertebrae, then it would make sense that back pain would increase with age.  This is not the case however.  Back pain actually drops a bit after age 65.  We have been told that back pain will occur more often in people who use their backs more often.  However, in studies from around the world, more people have back pain in industrialized, modern societies than in rural, agrarian societies. 

What is the cause of back pain?  There are several serious medical conditions that can cause back pain, such as a vertebral fracture (usually a compression fracture seen in the elderly or those with osteopenia), cancer of the vertebrae (seen in those with metastatic breast, lung or prostate cancer), serious abdominal conditions such as rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm, pancreatic cancer, rupture of a duodenal ulcer, or infections such as osteomyelitis, epidural abscess or diskitis.  Fortunately, these conditons are relatively rare and easy to diagnose with modern imaging techniques (X-ray, CT or MRI). 

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Dear Dr. Schubiner,

For so many years, I have been taught and “programmed” to please others and basically ignore what I was feeling; because I didn’t matter.  I denied myself things such as food (anorexia), pain medications and even rest.  I even felt that I didn’t deserve to have feelings and lived with tremendous guilt.

I started to have pain at the age of 13 and I am now 49 years old.  I had a very difficult childhood with severe abuse and neglect and it has been reflected in pain for all these years.  I now understand that my subconscious mind caused me to have severe headaches.  They began gradually and occurred about twice a month.  But they were severe and forced me to lie in bed and cry.  The headaches started to occur more often, until they came daily and lasted for the next 20 years!  I forged on with my life; marrying, working and starting a family.  The pain finally got so horrible that I had to quit a job that I loved and held for 21 years. 

I was devastated, but I decided to become the best wife possible.  I was determined to be the best coupon shopper to find sales on all items, sometimes dragging two toddlers with me across town just to save 50 cents.  I tried to be the best housekeeper and stay at home Mom.  I was obsessive about everything, to the point of exhaustion.  Finally, I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for three weeks. 

Since taking your workshop and beginning therapy, I have come to an amazing revelation.  My internal child was telling me, “Hey, I matter and if you won’t listen to me, then I’ll just have to force you to pay attention.  I want some nurturing too.  Quit trying to please everyone else and be kind to me.  I deserve it.”

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